Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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