1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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