yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
