I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
