Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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