dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize