Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
