I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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