last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
