i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
