my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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