the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
