I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
