i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
