just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
