haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
