At least make sure they are 18
Why
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
