I'm pants shitting drunk right now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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