This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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