Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
