I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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