the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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