You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
