So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Enjoy the penises
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
