So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
