I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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