i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
