Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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