I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize