I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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