watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
