My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
