i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
