I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
