They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My life is pants optional.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
