you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
