omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
