If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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