HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
