the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How external is "for external use only"?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
