We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
