Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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