Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize