i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
