You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
