I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
