Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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