can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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