Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
