How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
