Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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