Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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