I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
