Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
