My balls are so social today.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
