He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
