I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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