i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize