I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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