I didn't shave. On purpose
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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