He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my being single is dangerous.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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