i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
