so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
