Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
