She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
